I rarely go to movie theaters anymore. Not only do most films look too ignorant in the previews (How many times do we have to see a car explode) but I am so tired of the Hollywood phonies in films that I will not pay $7 to watch them. Are you listening to me George Clooney, Tom Hanks, Matt Damon, Alec Baldwin and the rest of you losers? Not you Clint, You’re still a good guy and I will be seeing “Trouble With the Curve” soon.
Luckily, there are some good British films around. Not only are the British stars superior in talent but they give us the opportunity to see stories enacted that don’t require sex or violence.
Has anyone seen “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”, “The King’s Speech”, or “My Week with Marilyn”? They have all come out within the last few years and are great viewing with great casts. You’ll spit in George Clooney’s eye after seeing those films and others from the UK.
Speaking of theaters, I recently ran across a list of things that an employee of a movie theater will not tell you but will tell me.
For example, have you ever wondered why popcorn smells so good when you are in a theater? According to our snitch it’s because it is loaded with chemicals to make its aroma fill the theater.
Take it from a pro, you don't want
these at your local Bijou!
Did you know that for the first month or two of screening, money from ticket sales goes to movie studios? Theaters rely on concession stands to make money. That’s why concessions are overpriced. Popcorn costs almost nothing to make.
Theaters hate me. I never buy anything there, popcorn or otherwise. I laugh when I see people with barrels of popcorn and quarts of soda. Are they there for the movie or to eat junk food?
Our snitch knows all the methods you may use to sneak in. He (she?) just doesn’t always care enough to kick you out for it, though. Have you ever sneaked into an indoor show? I haven’t but I snuck into many drive-ins.
Our snitch says that “The only foods I trust are the popcorn, drinks, and boxed candy. I wouldn’t eat the pretzels, hot dogs, or nachos.” Me either!
“Chances are, if you complain to the manager and he sides with you, he’s just putting on a show to calm you down. The manager might pretend to yell at employees for a minute, but he’ll pat them on the back the moment you’re out of sight.” Who would have thought?
“No, I can’t give you extra cups. Everything is inventoried at the end of the night” says our guy. I’ve heard that happens at other places too.
If you think the ushers don’t always sweep out the theater, your suspicions are correct. Sometimes they sweep excess food under the seats. Movies often end every few minutes. Sometimes, three or more screenings end at the same time so they don’t always have time to clean everything up.
Do you ever wonder why movies start late? Here’s why: “Yes, movies start late. But they almost always end on time – otherwise, the ushers wouldn’t know when to clean up. Theaters tell you to come in early so you have time to watch commercials and previews.
Last but not least we are told that Popcorn keeps for a day or two. Many customers confuse warm with fresh. Yum!
See you at the movies. I will have my own provisions!