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Saturday, October 06, 2012


I rarely go to movie theaters anymore.  Not only do most films look too ignorant in the previews (How many times do we have to see a car explode) but I am so tired of the Hollywood phonies in films that I will not pay $7 to watch them.  Are you listening to me George Clooney, Tom Hanks, Matt Damon, Alec Baldwin and the rest of you losers?  Not you Clint, You’re still a good guy and I will be seeing “Trouble With the Curve” soon.

Luckily, there are some good British films around.  Not only are the British stars superior in talent but they give us the opportunity to see stories enacted that don’t require sex or violence.

Has anyone seen “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”, “The King’s Speech”, or “My Week with Marilyn”?  They have all come out within the last few years and are great viewing with great casts.  You’ll spit in George Clooney’s eye after seeing those films and others from the UK.

Speaking of theaters, I recently ran across a list of things that an employee of a movie theater will not tell you but will tell me.

For example, have you ever wondered why popcorn smells so good when you are in a theater?  According to our snitch it’s because it is loaded with chemicals to make its aroma fill the theater.

Take it from a pro, you don't want 
these at your local Bijou!
Did you know that for the first month or two of screening, money from ticket sales goes to movie studios? Theaters rely on concession stands to make money. That’s why concessions are overpriced. Popcorn costs almost nothing to make.  

Theaters hate me.  I never buy anything there, popcorn or otherwise.  I laugh when I see people with barrels of popcorn and quarts of soda.  Are they there for the movie or to eat junk food?

Our snitch knows all the methods you may use to sneak in. He (she?) just doesn’t always care enough to kick you out for it, though.  Have you ever sneaked into an indoor show?  I haven’t but I snuck into many drive-ins.

Our snitch says that “The only foods I trust are the popcorn, drinks, and boxed candy. I wouldn’t eat the pretzels, hot dogs, or nachos.”  Me either!

“Chances are, if you complain to the manager and he sides with you, he’s just putting on a show to calm you down. The manager might pretend to yell at employees for a minute, but he’ll pat them on the back the moment you’re out of sight.”  Who would have thought?

“No, I can’t give you extra cups. Everything is inventoried at the end of the night” says our guy.  I’ve heard that happens at other places too.

If you think the ushers don’t always sweep out the theater, your suspicions are correct. Sometimes they sweep excess food under the seats. Movies often end every few minutes. Sometimes, three or more screenings end at the same time so they don’t always have time to clean everything up.

Do you ever wonder why movies start late?  Here’s why:   “Yes, movies start late. But they almost always end on time – otherwise, the ushers wouldn’t know when to clean up. Theaters tell you to come in early so you have time to watch commercials and previews.

Last but not least we are told that Popcorn keeps for a day or two. Many customers confuse warm with fresh.  Yum!

See you at the movies.  I will have my own provisions!


Anonymous said...

I haven't been to a movie theater for over 20 years. I guess I can see it on TV usually in about a year.
One nice thing about British movies, the actors perfect their craft by working on live stages. If you 'bomb' on a live stage, you could get booed, but in movies, you can't, because all they will do is do a retake. No retakes on live stages.
I see some of the Canadian actors play a lot of 'summer stock,' something that is needed in this country.
Oh, well, thats my 2 dimes, 2 cents don't go very far these days!!!


Anonymous said...

Oh boy did you get me started, Jim.
As you know, Jim, I not only love movies, I have developed a reverence for them. They are part and parcel of my childhood heritage: the darkened theaters, the smell of popcorn, the gentle rustling of the silhouetted audience and the dreams that filled the screens. My childhood alter ego as well as my future dreams lived and grew in those magic grottos we once referred to as - the ‘movie theater.’

That was where we want we said “we” were - “Going to the movies”. Well, they’re gone now! There is virtually no more “we” of the neighborhood or even strangers who became friendly acquaintances in the embrace of screen light and background darkness.

The crowds of adults that enter the theaters now are personality wise, cold. They come in cold and they go out the same way. There is rarely a friendly exchange passed between them, before or after the film experience. Today’s movie theater venture is now a sterile experience.

Like a parody of the Laura Nero song, in the place of these once transports to fantasy and imagination – “They tore down the magic-room and put up a Cineplex.”

I hate these ‘new’ places, none of which bear any resemblance whatsoever to the wonderful world we once knew. I don’t like the young people who flock to them, and I don’t like and, in most cases, refuse to partake of the ‘make believe edibles of suspicious content and chemistry’ they serve at exorbitant prices.

On occasion, when the screen size is important for the full scope of the film being shown like “Master and Commander of the World”, yes, I will use such places.

Too bad; we lost so very much in the trade up to today’s modern world.


Glo said...

I believe the last time I was actually in a movie theater was in 2005 for a special showing of War of the Worlds. And only because a friend had two free tickets and wanted me to come. I just don't go to the movies any more because of a) the prices, b) the usually idiotic audience that feels it can talk at the top of its voice even when the movie has started, c) I don't like sitting straight for 2 hours, and d) the theaters are SO SMALL. I'm just antsy, and would prefer to wait until the film comes on DVD and I can watch it in the comfort of my own home.

The movies when I was a kid were wonderful places, replete with respectful audiences, and a physical sense of awe in the large, dark space, often including a balcony (that was fun!).

There was a great British film from 1967 called The Jokers. It starred Michael Crawford (yes, the Phantom) and Oliver Reed, and was about these two aristocratic brothers who decided to steal the crown jewels. It was excellent, and, damn it, there is no sign it will ever come out on DVD. Let me tell you, Oliver was a hottie back then! Woo hoo!!

midnightsstaff said...

Great observations Allen, I think you are on to something and what I think you are saying that the indoor movie industry had it's heyday in the forties, fifties and part of the sixties..

You are right about the movie going experience, I went to see the Obama 2016 movie a month or so ago and altho it was cleaner than what I remembered theaters to be, your observation " Today’s movie theater venture is now a sterile experience." is absolutely correct.

I felt like I was entering into a restroom or something, there is a hallway and various showing theaters all along the way- pick the wrong one and you are watching something else or wandering in forbidden territory by accident.

It was a long way from the theater I went to in Oceanside that showed the Sands from Iwo Jima for years on end serving an seemingly unending and enthusiastic audience of young marines.

We live in a personal world now, instead of movie theaters and minor league ball parks, it's handheld devices and John Madden NFL football played on a computer.

Jim McAllister said...


So true, people like Laurence Olivier, Jack Hawkins, Ralph Richardson, Judi Dench, David Niven all had a lot of stage experience and it showed in their film roles.

People like Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Lopez are laughable in comparison.

One of my favorite Films is Britain's "The Red Shoes" (1948). Michael Powell and Emmerich Pressburger did it and it starred Anton Walbrook and Moira Shearer.

It's a great example of the quality films from Europe.

Jim McAllister said...


Discussing film with you takes me back to the old days of Classmates ten years ago. We even have our old buddy Dave here.

The old theaters were magical. Today, as Middy says below, they are just antiseptic little interchangeable cells in a mall.

In Cincinnati we had some real palaces for theaters. Some were left over from vaudeville and converted to movie theaters.

They had the large balconies with the unbelievable marble and gold fixtures in the restrooms.

When you went in with a date for the showing of a popular film, a uniformed and polite usher with a flashlight would show you to your seats.

In 1966, My future wife Barb and I went downtown to the Capitol Theater to see Steve McQueen, Richard Crenna, and Candice Bergen in "The Sand Pebbles." The tickets were $3!

I remember in '63 going to the Grand while on leave to see "Lolita" which was considered quite a racy film for its time; very tame today.

Other fancy downtown theaters then were The Albee and The Keiths. I remember when they tore down the Keiths in the 60s and the Albee was torn down a few years ago long after we left Cincy.

Going to the show was a big deal then and just by going downtown meant a coat and tie and maybe springing for dinner with your date before showtime.

Most of the patrons showed class and since it was in the days before the large concession stands, you didn't have to listed to a lot of slurping and crunching as people worked through a 55 gallon drum of pop and popcorn.

There were also no goddam cell phones with idiots turning them on and lighting up the row to see their messages during a show. A guy in front of us a couple years ago in Scottsdale turned his on and I told him I have a message for him if he wants to keep that phone: "Turn the SOB off!"

Even the neighborhood shows were better than now. The serials, the cartoons and the Milk Duds were great. My mom always said to never let my head touch the back of the seat or I might catch ringworm!

Today, we don't go to the show too much mainly because the films are crap. However, we do have one theater in Scottsdale that shows excellent foreign films and we enjoy them occasionally. At home we still have TCM for the great old films.

It's too bad we can't snap our fingers and go back in time for a few days and relive those times. They are gone forever and I don't see anything as good coming along.

If you stopped a crowd on the street and asked who Tyrone Power, Cary Grant, Ralph Bellamy, Myrna Loy and William Powell were, how many do you think would know. Probably none.

We are all products of our times.

Jim McAllister said...


Was that a restored version of "The war of the Worlds" from 1953 with Gene Barry and Ann Robinson?

I was 12 when that came out and it scared the hell out of me with those snake like heads coming out of the flying saucers. Great H. G. Wells stuff.

Maltin gives "The Jokers" 3 stars which is good. The 60s was a good era for the Brits. They made good escape and heist films like "The Jokers" and the Bond stuff.

Crawford was a young guy then, about 25. 1967 was an exciting time with the British Invasion in music and some pretty good films.

A Hired Gun said...

Jim: Here I thought this was supposed to be a non-political column. That first paragraph sure looks political to me! Lol.

Anyway, I always liked Eastwood (although I surmise he is not as popular with the Romney crowd these days). I think Hanks and Damon are good too, although you can keep Baldwin (along with the rest of his brothers).

Cindy's and my guilty pleasure is that we always try to see movies at the Cine Capri or IMAX. It's worth the extra money and, hell, why save money to leave it to the kids - lol. We rarely get popcorn and I always try to go to the movies on a full stomach.

Finally, I guess I AM old or very smart (yeah, that's the ticket!). I know who Power, Grant, Bellamy, Loy and Powell were, and can even name many movies they were in. I'm sure you can do better than me, since you came along before the baby-boomers and were a product of that era.

Jim McAllister said...


You're right, Allen knows his stuff.

The theaters today are crap and so are a lot of the customers in this age of everything being at our fingertips via iPhones and whatever else.

Dan Bickley had a good column today where he discusses the violence with fans anymore toward sports officials because they have replays of all disputed game plays with them in the stands.

If the refs screw up, everyone immediately knows about it like in the Seattle-Green Bay games.

It happened in Atlanta the other day in the Braves-Cardinals wild card baseball game. The fans tore the hell out of the place in anger and the Cardinals had to run to the locker room in fear of the violence.

Fans don't understand that refs and umps are watching plays in real time and it is easy to flub a call now and then.

I predict that someday there will be no officials on the field and it will all be done electronically except for minor items like spotting a ball.

Glo, Arachnaphobiac said...

It was the Tom Cruise version of WOTW. I prefer the Gene Barry version! Nothing like those old 50s' horror/sci-fi movies to get your heart going! The two I had a problem viewing were The Incredible Shrinking Man, because of the spider fight, and, of course, Tarantula! Didn't mind the giant ants in Them, though.

Jim McAllister said...


I guess I did let some politics seep out by naming those guys but it's not so much that they love Obama as it is their hypocrisy about things like global warming, carbon footprints, etc.

I agree on the refreshments. We go to see the show, not pay $5 for popcorn that cost them a penny to make.

We lucked out when "Moneyball" came out a while back. We went to the Scottsdale 101 and were going to see it in the regular theater. For whatever reason they couldn't get the camera to work so they shuffled us over to the Cine Capri side plus gave us four free tickets to future shows. It was a hell of a deal.

It sounds like you are a fellow aficionado of the classic films. Those people I mentioned are all favorites that I never get tired of watching them.

Poor old Bellamy, always the rube who could never get the girl away from Cary Grant and who could ever forget the great Thin Man series with Myrna Loy and Bill Powell snockered throughout their films.

It was a different world then.

Jim McAllister said...


A lot of those 50s horror films were kind of protests against nuclear power especially "The Incredible Shrinking Man" (1957). Very good special effects and a good job by the "B" level cast of Grant Williams and Randy Stuart.

"Tarantula" (1955) was pretty highly rated for its special effects. If you look closely in the final scene, you can a glimpse of Clint Eastwood as a jet squadron leader.

John Agar starred and I believe he was once married to Shirley Temple who, by the way, is still around at 84.

I think "Them!" (1954) may have been the best of them all. The story wasn't real unusual but it had a high class cast with James Whitmore, Edmund Gwenn, and Joan Weldon plus great direction.

Gwenn should have won best actor Oscar for 1954 for his role.

Look closely for Fess Parker and Leonard Nimoy in small parts.

midnightsstaff said...

Best place to lurk for big stars in small places is in the twilight zone.

they just litter the screen- for some reason Rod Sterling had a waiting list of later big names in Hollywood for parts.

My first and nearly only indoor movie was in Dumas Texas, a thirty mile drive each way to see "Old Yeller"...
..not a dry eye in the house.

By the time I reached the wonder years (driver's license) it was drive in's.. especially in Clownafornia they were big.. maybe that had something to do with the demise of the indoor houses... just sayin'

After all the back seat of a big ol' Studebaker or my early 50's merc were more err...."comfortable" and offered "more flexibility" on a date than indoor movie seats .

Mike Slater said...

Jim, I rarely go to the movie theaters any more because there is nothing playing I want to see It's like having my Direct TV with over 200 channels and I only watch maybe 5 of them.

I do remember in the 60's my family would go to the Fox theater in downtown Phoenix from time to time to watch a movie.

What I do miss the most is the drive-in theaters. Back in the 60's and early 70's in the Valley you pay a $1 a car and watch 2 feature films plus cartoons between the movies. Oh for the good old days.

I may go to the movie theater to see Taken-2. I saw the first one on DVD and liked it.

Jim McAllister said...


Twilight Zone was a cornucopia of stars and stars to be during the 1959 seas alone not to mention the other years of its existence.

Dana Andrews, Ann Blyth, Charles Bronson, Neville Brand, Richard Conte, Jackie Cooper, Earl Holliman, and Pat Hingle just to name a few.

One of my favorite shows was the one with Agnes Moorhead where she is the lonely woman in the middle of nowhere being attacked by spacemen.

If you look at IMDB many of the old episodes cab be seen in their entirety.

Drive ins? Wow, now your talkin'. I don't think I ever saw a movie at one. My girlfriend at the time and I had better things to do!

Jim McAllister said...


That's pretty much what we do. We get the non commercial Encore channels plus epix and flix plus TCM.

Among all of those we have plenty of films to watch.

The only film I plan on seeing now is "Trouble With the Curve" with Clint Eastwood but I may even miss that.

Those "buck a carload" days were fun. Drive-ins lost their appeal once everyone had air conditioning.

Mike Slater said...

Jim,I hear you. The only time a took a date to the drive-in here was in the winter time because it was a movie I really didn't care about and besides the windshield would always get fogged up.

CJ Phoenix said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CJ Phoenix said...

Well, I went to see "Frankenweenie" today with a friend at Harkin's Christown. There is nothing like a Tim Burton spin on the old boy & his dog story. I had a good time & that makes it worth the $6.50 a person price. Besides, I have a loyalty cup for $1.00 drinks at Harkin's & we got a free popcorn with the gift card (it was actually a birthday present)...So we crunched & slurped about halfway into the movie with no complaints. Thank God! The one thing I hate during a movie going experience is some hypersensitive nut in the audience taking offense at whatever it is that I am doing. Hey, you keep your nose out of my popcorn & I won't tell you to quit breathing.

midnightsstaff said...

.."If you could isolate inner city Detroit
from the world for about 10 years, they could un-invent
the wheel".... haha...

I always thought they shot the opening scenes of 2000 a space odessy at Tiger field using local talent.

Just about everyone has the same opinion of Mo-town..

sorry I am just so excited waiting for Joe Bidet to rescue the presidency.

I know, no politics, two minutes in the box again?

Jim McAllister said...


Remember those cheesy little heaters the drive-ins had? Those were worthless besides my babes had bi Jim (me) to keep them warm behind those foggy windows LOL

It's hard to believe that stuff was happening 53 years ago. When i met barb in '65 a lot of drive ins had already boarded up. We had to find a nice park!

Jim McAllister said...


Helluva a deal! Happy birthday.

Jim McAllister said...


Did you see that the cops in Detroit are telling baseball fans that they are going in to the city at their own risk to see the ball games?

What a mess! Pizza drivers won't go in there either. Real class place.

Reds up 2-0 and heading for Cincy. As we said in '61, "Root the Reds home!!"

CJ Phoenix said...

Not my birthday, Jim. My friend's birthday. My birthday is way closer to the end of the year. Remember? But thanks anyway.

steve buzzardo said...

Reds crush the SF commies 9-0. awesome!
that almost made up the Packers loss.

Rick Kepple said...

Yes, I know what time it is. I got home from meetings all day yesterday at Dell Mack's music studio. I fell asleep. Just woke up.

John Evans just won best in Blues and he's always at the studio. There's another singer in a TV talent contest and the studio musicians know him. He's been at Dell's before.

And a music contest host chose Dell-Mack Productions LLC to record the demo of their winner. They got some really nice terms too!

Then I hired a computer tech who used to work for me when Dora was alive. He makes housecalls and fixes stuff on the spot. This guy is costing me some bucks, but the musicians and producers are happy. Everyone's happy and I've been called the publicist, vice president, business manager and lots of compliments.

All because I focus on Stevie Nicks. I try to think of how she'd run things. I've read that she's very demanding and runs a tight ship. I've met her and she's extremely intimidating. Her advice has ALWAYS been a source of success, but mostly it's God and just pure dumb luck. A lot of perseverence. And more luck.

Rick Kepple said...

"Did you know that for the first month or two of screening, money from ticket sales goes to movie studios? Theaters rely on concession stands to make money. That’s why concessions are overpriced. Popcorn costs almost nothing to make."

Actually no, I didn't know that. It's actually very useful information. It explains a lot of their behavior.

Okay, I've talked to Hollywood agents, etc. Music people won't talk to me. They claim they don't have a money problem, but they do. That's why they're packing up and moving to the Missouri Ozarks. That's why you're seeing more independent films now. The Longhorn Ranch near Plato and Laquey Missouri is building a Western movie set.

Jerry Buckner once told me that my theory of a kid in a trailer park making a million dollars from a laptop is very possible. Music or movies. You can get the editing equipment for a few hundred dollars now. It's all digital. It's just crazy.

What's scary is that theaters could one day be running a lot of locally made movies made from production companies in a backyard shed.

In entertainment, the idea men seem to be the most popular. That's equally weird. They work for popcorn, you know. And Raisenettes.

midnightsstaff said...

when you have lost SNL you have lost America.

Rick Kepple said...

I've seen the King's Speech. It's evidence that there are people behind the background who are quite ordinary directing the details. It works that way with Presidents too folks. Just FYI. It's a good movie.

In public relations studies in college, we learned about that king and his speech impediment. The guy who worked with him was a genius.

Well, I got to lay more concrete block before winter, the computer tech is coming to the home office for a meeting and I'm supposed to go to the music studio. Those guys were dead in the water until I started helping them. They didn't have decent computers, so I GAVE them the machines. They needed a tech, so I hired one through my company.

Musicians are always broke. I'll bet even the rich ones are broke. They just look like they have money.

The REAL money is working behind the scenes like in the King's Speech. Rock stars come and go, but the professional management, techs and publicists remain forever.

midnightsstaff said...

..."Musicians are always broke" it's just bad musicians that are always broke- just like bad actors. cousins for instance made and kept a lot of money- just like their dad did..

Jim McAllister said...


Two great games. Arroyo had them eating out of his hand last night.

Baseball is getting too greedy with all these playoffs. They don't need two wild card games plus why is St. Louis getting the first two home games over Washington?

Washington was 98-64, much better record and they won their division.

You're Indians have Terry Francona as manager now. I think he is a good baseball man. I remember when he played for the Reds and when his dad (Tito)played in the 50s.

Jim McAllister said...


I have to hand it to SNL. They are liberal at heart but they are not afraid to stick to their own. They make Obama really look foolish.

Jim McAllister said...


Definitely should be changed to SOME musicians are always broke.

I doubt if Kenny Rogers, Bing Crosby, or many others were broke.

It helps to have talent.

steve buzzardo said...

well i guess they figure that 3 straight games at home is still an advantage. the Reds hava a huge advantage now.

thats good news about Terry Francona.
one of my brothers had heart surgery when he was a kid, I think it was 1964, Tito's last season with the Indians. Tito sent my brother a signed ball and some other Indians stuff.
My brother has hated the Indians ever since they traded Tito to the Braves. He has been a Braves fan ever since.

midnightsstaff said...

This is the first season in my life that I have not watched any baseball whatsoever... I have been steadily losing interest since the first walkout.. and finally there is nothing left.

what the hell is this crap of interleague play all about?- I remember when..

Hard to imagine how little interest I have in MLB now especially considering I played and enjoyed it until in my forties.. now I could care less- I didn't watch any football yesterday either, I am getting pretty sick of the PC influenced flag football approach I guess..

Mean Joe Greene would have to change his name to Compassionate Joe Greene today or suffer fines and suspensions for playing the game as it was designed- and Conrad Dobler (the meanest man in football, ten years running) would be forced to attend anger management counseling.

Mike Slater said...

Jim, I don't recall any heaters here in the Valley. I guess it was because it never got really cold here.

The Drive-ins lasted into the 70's and early 80's here and if I'm not mistaken there are still a few of them in the state.

I lost interest in Baseball and Pro football years ago. It's strictly college football for me now.

Rick Kepple said...

"what the hell is this crap of interleague play all about?- I remember when.."

Kids got it too easy today! In my day, the game could be called for an automatic time-out if the ball landed in a pile of fresh cow manure and had to be wiped off. You got used to the smell after a while. Hey, that was a REAL farm team.

Then later on in life, I was a sports editor. Fun.

Jim McAllister said...


I guess that is how they figure since one team gets three games at home after the opening two on the road, it is to their advantage.

So far it's worked well for the Reds. I'm watching the Cards, Senators now and it looks like it well be 1-1 heading to Washington. That's good, I'd like to see the Reds wrap it up tomorrow and those guys go all five games.

It sounds like Toto was a hell of a guy. Players were different then and were more like neighbors as they make all the money they make now.

Bud Podbielan was a pitcher for the Reds and always was friendly to the kids in our neighborhood. In the off season, he sold Mercurys.

Jim McAllister said...


I'm with you; I HATE interleague play. Having two teams in the World Series that have already played each other in the season takes all the intrigue out of it. But, as usual, it's all about the money just like like the stupid 2 wild card teams this year.

I remember Conrad "The Biter" Dobler with the St. Louis Cardinals. One mean SOB.

Now, they kick off from the 35 to avoid kickoff returns. Real exciting stuff to watch the ball go through the end zone rather than being run back. What a joke!

I guess skirts are next!

Jim McAllister said...


In Cincy, they would give you a little heater that was worthless.

It didn't matter, my girl at the time and I worked up plenty of heat on our own. LOL

Those were great days.

Jim McAllister said...

the game could be called for an automatic time-out if the ball landed in a pile of fresh cow manure and had to be wiped off. You got used to the smell after a while. Hey, that was a REAL farm team.

Great line!

Mike Slater said...

Jim, I started to lose interest in baseball back in 69 when the went to playoffs. Since then I rarely watch any games.

Same thing with pro football. I liked the old Afl and Nfl where the 2 best teams played for the championship.

All these playoff games are boring at best.

Jim McAllister said...

I liked the old Afl and Nfl where the 2 best teams played for the championship.

You took the words right out of my mouth, Mike.

When they merged the leagues in 1971 that was the end of it. I lived kn KC in 1970 and the town went nuts after the Chiefs wiped out Minnesota in the Super Bowl 23-7.

It was great to see two totally different leagues with different schedules play for all the marbles.

As usual, greed took over and ruined it.

After that I didn't care anymore. I haven't watched the SB since.

Rick Kepple said...

" cousins for instance made and kept a lot of money- just like their dad did.."

That's true, Middy. I've learned to wisely spend money over the years, but I do better following my heart rather than my head.

For example, I built up this farm when real estate prices were high. I took a loss selling that other piece of property.

I'm disabled. The government keeps trying to put me on dangerous medications, but they do that with all veterans these days to reduce expenses by killing us off. So I've got to fend that stuff off while trying to build a business that is technically protected by the First Amendment. That means no grants. No guaranteed government business loans. I've worked in publishing and writing for years and it's all I've heard from the feds.

My family isn't speaking to me, because I don't have an "honest job" and want to work with models, SN, music stars, and other sinful people. I won that client to Dell Mack's company and IF this works out, Dell-Mack Productions LLC could suddenly be propelled into the BIG TIME!!/events/187594404709873/

Just think. The winner of the local contest gets recorded with Dell's studio and possibly goes on to The Voice.

midnightsstaff said...

With 26 and a wake up left... better stock up on some ammo guys..

Is this Dell Mack guy some relation to Ted?- you know with the Original Amateur hour?

..daaas' rite....don't ever let the man take your dreams Rick..

Jim McAllister said...


I love the replies in that WeaselZippers piece. A lot of people are locked and loaded for those bastards.

I picked up a fresh box of shells the other day which giver me two full boxes. I also had my .38 reconditioned and it is ready to go.

As many of the comments in that piece said "Bring it on!"

Rick Kepple said...

"Is this Dell Mack guy some relation to Ted?- you know with the Original Amateur hour?"

Who? Stage name, dude. Stage name. No relation.

I have no dreams left to rob. I just try to create stuff and don't believe it will ever lead to excessive wealth. Not for me. SN already told me that I'm not handsome enough for fame. Tis true, too. What's a news outfit do? "Go out there and see how he looks on camera." I don't look good on camera, dude. SN looks good on camera. I'm the guy BEHIND the camera.

My PR company is made to make OTHER PEOPLE rich and famous. Not me. Life doesn't work that way for me. That's why I know so many rich folks and I'm not rich, myself.

As Dell Mack has sang, that's the way love goes.

Rick Kepple said...

The thing is that entertainment companies have been trying to gain my assistance in public relations for some time. The Christians respect me, I'm a self-made freelance journalist and many people respect my words as gospel and I'm also usually right when I predict human behavior. So people naturally follow my advice.

Woo hoo! And the military is looking at Dell-Mack Productions LLC too! I just created their Youtube Channel on dellmackproductions so the studio can load up videos and I need them to create that reality show to put episodes there.

Rick Kepple said...

The CEO of that entertainment corporation sponsoring the local, The Voice, just called. He's planning to personally visit Dell Mack's studio today.

Holy cats! This was a project that the CEO and I were tossing around a couple of years ago. He liked the idea of working together. So I'm doing some PR work for them and in exchange, when THEIR name is mentioned in an ad, Hit House Recording (a division of Dell-Mack Productions LLC) gets mentioned.

I'm glad to see that all my hard work is finally getting off the ground. These musicians are about to FREAK! It's really cool.

Not bad for a goat farmer, huh?

I'd like to express my appreciation of mentorship from CJ, Middy, Jim, Don Petersen and DG, who once said that I was stupid if I didn't research my competition. Meow! Thanks y'all.

proud said...

"Not bad for a goat farmer, huh?"

Just think what you might have accomplished, if you weren't:


( I seriously doubt if even 'THE VOICES" naturally follow your advice:-)

Mike Slater said...

Rick sounds like the crazy old uncle you keep locked in the attic and only let out on rare occasions.

The porch lights on but nobody's home.

Rick Kepple said...

I was in the corporate meeting today. I took notes of what I'm not supposed to talk about the meeting that I was in today, except me and that CEO woke up in a ditch and he was singing something about, "I don't hire no ugly strippers."

I drank too much Old Peaknuckle beer. It was a wild meeting! So that's why corporate executives get paid so much! Cab fare back to their cars.

I'm not speaking to Proud and that other guy anymore. I'm a publicist and they have to speak to my publicist and she hired a publicist, so you have to speak to the publicist of the publicist for the publicist.

Middy, your encouragement helped. Thanks. I'll email you a stock tip from a rich guy that I'm not supposed to talk about and I found out that rich guys are good people, so now I gotta write that rich guys are nice, stuff.

Rick Kepple said...

Now what am I supposed to bitch about? Democrats? Dannie Kaye did that, remember Jim? In that Christmas movie.

And now Red Dawn has a special presentation in military theaters a month before it hits civilian theaters.

Rich people sure are nice. I'm going to vote for Romney. Yes please, I'll have another Old Peaknuckle beer, thank you!

Working for Dell-Mack Productions LLC is fun. We wake up in only the best ditches.

midnightsstaff said...

Buy low, sell high?

...well we are headed into that mid phase of the moon, the worst is behind once again.. so things probably will pick up for a bit...

I am always encouraged when I check the moon charts-
..although Rick is a pretty good barometer.

Problem remains, there is always another full moon on the way.

Thank God things are settling down, I don't need any more of his goats eating me out of house and home.

Rick Kepple said...

Wow. This is weird. So this is what success feels like.

Next, I'll be loading up the truck with my dogs and cats, and moving to Scottsdale. Is that property next to the Drysdale's still for sale? I got some kinfolks who were talking about wanting to move there and do some huntin'.

proud not to be dell said...

Ok....we're making real PROGRESS. whack-job rick ain't SPEAKING to me...

Somebody please help me figure out what the hell I can say that will stop me,(most likely, except maybe CJ, the rest of you), 'HEARING' from him...

I mean, anytime I want some fiction, I can go to the library, I certainly don't need to be an unwilling enabler in Ricks excellent(albeit completely made up) adventure(*s*)....

Maybe Dell will issue a gag order?, Better yet, issue GAGS, starting with the Ozark, fantasy hick?

** Truth in writing rules require me to disclose that the aforementioned "S" represents a possible plural condition, and in no way should be seen as any reference to some fat, over the hill, has-been singer named Nicks)

proud said...

Damn...I must swallow my pride(a PROUD derivative) and say, "maybe? I was wr....wron.....w-r-o-n-g about rick????

Tape recordings fro his past have surfaced that now fills me with doubt:

Rick Kepple said...

"I don't need any more of his goats eating me out of house and home"

Well, you accepted them as a gift, Middy. You have to care for them now.

Rick Kepple said...

"The porch lights on but nobody's home."

Yeah, you'd think the neighbors would turn that off. It's a sure sign that they're not home. It invites thieves, then the dog eats the burglars, they gotta replace the carpet again and it's just work, work, work!

I just realized. Proud2b is text. It's something that a child writes.

Rick Kepple said...

It's funny that guys who look like farmers can sit around talking about business in Hollywood.

And I learned a juicy industry secret that can predict the not too distant future of entertainment. I did not know that technique. I'd tell you, but then Proud and that other guy would know.

I learn a lot from rich folks.

They say that I'm about two years ahead of everyone else. Some of these CEO's are ten years ahead of me! That's why they're rich and I'm not. I'm gonna learn so much!

CJinPhoenix said...

Tonight on Frontline, "The Choice 2012"...Now let's just see how fair they can be considering Mitt Romney's promise to defund PBS.

midnightsstaff said...

what! a note of cynicism do I detect?

Why, there hasn't been any prejudice in the way the media is reporting, that is just a vicious rumor started by the vast right wing conspiracy - the smartest woman in the world gave us a head's up on that a long time ago.

midnightsstaff said... this Gordon Briesch Marzen is mighty smooth stuff to go along with late dinner.

I love October.

Jim McAllister said...


Ted Mack? LOL

I well remember him. I always thought the guy who played the soup spoons to "Home on the Range" got screwed by losing to the guy who could crack his knuckles to "Silver Threads Among the Gold."

That show lost its leader when Major Bowes retired!

Jim McAllister said...


You're in good form today! LOL

Still up north I assume?

Rick Kepple said...

"You're in good form today! LOL Still up north I assume?"

I'm curious. Can one live in a houseboat in the winter? No, right? I mean, the water lines would freeze. Sorry ... random thought.

Proud, you should snowbird to Arizona. Get the fuck outta here. The REAL men will stay.

Rick Kepple said...

There's a photo of Proud with a boat and he doesn't seem to like Stevie Nicks or me. I wonder if I've had Proud arrested, or it's because Stevie likes me?

Proud, if you do live at the Lake of the Ozarks, I'd shut up about Stevie and me. You won't be at the Lake of the Ozarks for long, if that's where you like to live. You know how the Ozarks are, Proud.

And Jimmy, nobody gives a shit about KC anymore, unless you got something they want. Our rich guys have good moral character. The Ozarks is a good, Christian region and if you're not a Stevie Nicks' fan or don't believe in Jesus, then you don't belong. The Republicans will get rid of you.

Rick Kepple said...

I knew that the economy would get bad enough that American corporations would seek out the ordinary people with the good ideas and some day, everything that I've written on Jim's blogs will actually be legend.

Drydock is when most boats get broken into by thieves who use the money to finance a road trip to Scottsdale and party at the clubs that everyone watches online. Then they steal stuff from Scottsdale to sell to the pawnshops to get home. Karma is a bitch.

Rick Kepple said...

This is Vino Alan. He's from Waynesville Missouri and one of the friends from Dell Mack's studio.

It's so cool to work with musicians and singers with this kind of talent in the Ozarks! I'm Dell Mack's publicist.

Drives ya nuts, don't it?

Mike Slater said...

CJ, I didn't get to watch Frontline but can imagine how fair they were to Romney.

If PBS and NPR, both of which are funded by the government (i.e. the taxpayers) had a conservative bent I imagine the Democrats would be screaming to cut the funding.

I just read recently that our government gave about $900,000 to the Palestinians to produce an arab version of Sesame Street. Kinda gives you a warm fuzzy feeling don't it?

Jim McAllister said...


I didn't know that about the Palestinians and Sesame Street but with Obama, I'm sure he was glad to help Muslims in any way he can.

It's also funny that the dummy is running around and telling the country how bad Romney is to want to dump Big Bird,

I love Romney's line about "You have to scratch your head when the president spends the last week talking about saving Big Bird. I actually think we need to have a president who talks about saving the American people and saving good jobs." Go get 'em, Mitt!

On top of that, Big Bird tells Obama to scram! We don't need you! LOL

"Sesame Workshop is a nonpartisan, nonprofit organization and we do not endorse candidates or participate in political campaigns," the group said. "We have approved no campaign ads, and as is our general practice, have requested that the ad be taken down."

Obama campaign spokeswoman Jen Psaki told reporters today that they're reviewing Sesame Workshop's request to pull the ad.

"It doesn't change the fact that there's only one candidate in this race who is going to continue to fight for Big Bird and Elmo and he's riding on this plane," Psaki told reporters on Air Force One, en route to an Obama campaign event in Ohio.

Can't you picture all those dumb asses on that plane arguing over big Bird when they have all this other stuff on their plate?

I hope Mitt can keep his foot on that dummy's throat through the next two debates and that Ryan kicks ass tomorrow over the gaffe king.

Rick Kepple said...

"I hope Mitt can keep his foot on that dummy's throat through the next two debates and that Ryan kicks ass tomorrow over the gaffe king."

I'm trying to picture Mitt Romney in a military uniform with spiked boots. Not seeing it.

I just took a political/religious survey. That was weird.

proud said...

I'm trying to picture rick in high level meetings with a recording studio,DellMack (aka hithouse) that has it's "world-wide, corporate offices" as well as studios, in a double-wide hovel!...believe me when I tell you... I'M SEEIN IT!

proud to not squeal like a pig said...

Really gotta hand it to's a Hit House benifit "concert" he publicized.

As everyone can see, it was nearly sold out!...I mean I can only find four empty seats,(OK 3, if you believe the beer can actually paid for his seat).

Rick, ol buddy, you're clearly on a rocket to the bigs! Stevie will be kickin herself for not grabing you while she had the chance!

Rick Kepple said...

Proud, you're laughing at cancer victims now?

Jimmy, your friends are assholes.

So what do you scumbags in Scottsdale do for an encore? Kick children with cancer?

Bunch of pussies.

Mike Slater said...

Jim, I got a good feeling that Romney's going to win. It's starting to look more and more the 1980 election.

At this point in Reagan's first term the economy was growing at 6%. Under Obama the economy is only growing at 1.3%. The boy wonder has no clue.

Rick Kepple said...

"Rick, ol buddy, you're clearly on a rocket to the bigs! Stevie will be kickin herself for not grabing you while she had the chance!"

So Jim McAllister is friends with Proud? Stevie Nicks' biggest stalker. Proud, the man who would be Mr. Stevie Nicks. He sounds more like Bill Gamelson.

You guys are too funny. Go kick some dying children, losers.

Mike Slater said...

Rick, Jim has lots of friends. Of course none of us are crazy like you.

My wife is going to Branson with her sister and mother next week, hope they don't run into you and spoil their vacation.

midnightsstaff said...

What is this now? a war on pussies?..

First they came for the pussies, then the dicks.. and when they got to you.. there was no one to save you Rick.

I been waiting two years to use that one.

midnightsstaff said...

Am I Blue, am I blue? ain't this smirk on my face tellin' you....

Speaking of, when is the Official Web Bullying Sgt at Arms going to come back and make some more astute observations...

I only assume after a couple of weeks we won't be hearing much female bovine sign from The Red Menace either, somebody better put Paula on suicide watch because the second debate will be even worse for the fraud.

..turns out the free range women in this country are not really all that interested in contraception or anything else other than finally getting the chance of putting an end to four years of flat line economy with promises of more from where that came from..

President Romney is wrapping up the woman vote it seems..

Once the females who care saw the difference between a real man and that commie bath house puppet, they have temporarily come to their senses..

..Of course coming to their senses won't last but we will take it for what it's worth..

Sandra **Who** rocks- I mean she is totally rad, doncha know?...
-what an idiot actually believing that type of childish crap had legs.

Rick Kepple said...

"First they came for the pussies, then the dicks"

This blog has become a South Park episode.

midnightsstaff said...!

This is a half hour long interview with my favorite politician of all times, Sir Nigel Farage.. as long as we don't enforce that natural born thingy anymore for president, I say draft him in as soon as there is a slot.

I can't believe that Fox network hasn't picked up this gal Laura Lister yet..

She gets it, is smart, knows how to interview and listen- she is head and shoulders above any of the major networks anchorettes..

She puts that woman that gives horsefaced women everywhere a bad name on MsLSD- Rachel Madcow or something like that to shame..
I suspect we will see her on Fox Business pretty soon, it might be a simple case of logjam right now, but there is always room for talent..
plus she is a knockout.

Rick Kepple said...

Women. Without women, the world would largely be gray. Without women, there wouldn't be a lot of neat female words.

Just imagine if a virus killed off all women and no men. World war would erupt from all the sexual aggression.

Stevie Nicks would love this conversation. I haven't talked to anyone that intelligent for years. I wonder what Stevie's up to?

Proud knows. I think he lives in her bush ... es outside her front door. Proud! He's sent her rings. Stevie's got a collection of engagement rings. I think she pawns them and buys new wardrobe.

Rick Kepple said...

Apparently American Idol is going to feature celebrity strangulations. Some rapper vs Stevie Nicks.

See, I told you she was mean. When my parents died, she said, you've had enough fun! You're gonna straighten up and do something with your life! And I became a writer too, only uglier and less famous. So when I got on morphine, I tried to find her to ask what to do.

Y'all still think I'm a stalker, huh? Stevie won't like you calling me a stalker. She'll bring a camera crew to film slapping the piss out of you. She's done it before.

proud said...

rick...since you're this big time publicist, maybe you should think, before you start typing / publicizing pure crap?

I live in the burbs, not the bushes...

I'm way to old to stalk anyone. (SO ARE YOU!!!) I actually like Stevie Nicks, or I used to until I had to listen to year after year of your inane, insane, S/N ramblings...)In the 1980's I built a house in Paradise Valley, right across the street from hers, hardly stalking)

I don't kick or demean cancer victims, (or anyone else) I myself am a six year, cancer survivor,...

Back off the drugs, or whatever you are on, and maybe you will see what a nut case you come across as with this incessant S/N stuff?

Jim McAllister said...


Spiked boots or not. Whatever it takes to run his ass back to Kenya; or in this case Hawaii to his $35MM mansion paid for by someone else.

Jim McAllister said...


Those guys need that kid from "Deliverance" playing the banjo to complete the set.

midnightsstaff said...

Well Jim explain to me why you gave Dancy Fancer the boot over calling people on this blog racist- (which is perfectly legal by the way)- or more accurately for not apologizing, yet ignoring the multi year pattern Rick has provided including just this morning calling John a stalker (which is a crime by the way).

Delusional Rick is an insufferable clod for the most part, he's accused me of being an alky which is laughable but still a sore point because of all misery it causes in families including my own, I imagine he would like to use my brother's death at the hands of a drunk driver as leverage if he was only clever enough to pull it off.

Some things are just not funny to some of us, I am pretty sensitive about that famous zippo to the hootch photo that a lot of idiots used to "kid" me about at work when referring to Vietnam..
..we weren't baby killers or engaged in burning villages- yet just like calling someone my age "Old Man"- it is insensitive and sophomoric- bottom line, it's nothing to someone that wasn't there, but very disrespectful to us who were.

There is a pattern once you consider the other various threats and accusations he has leveled in lieu of having anything of worth to contribute.

We all wander off the topic now and then, but Rick never wanders on the topic as far as I can see.

I don't deliver ultimatums, but don't be surprised if people peel off as long as he is encouraged to act like a demented adolescent and remains on point, slandering honorable people.

Other than that it was a glorious sunrise and Scooter has returned to reclaim his hummingbird feeder, meaner than ever... at least that is good news.

I know what you mean John, I was going to record a Fleetwood Mac/ Stevie Nicks concert on Axs but decided not to because of guess who?

Jim McAllister said...


We can only hope. Right now I am hoping that Ryan can do a job on Joe tonight to keep the momentum.

I think it is important for Paul to not let Joe dominate with his loud mouth and for Paul to show a little humor and not be like a straight faced professor spouting a bunch of figures.

He needs to shoot right back as Mitt did and dispute everything Biden says that is incorrect kind of like when Mitt took it to O so effectively.

Ryan is a sharp guy and knows his stuff.

Jim McAllister said...


First they came for the pussies, then the dicks.. and when they got to you.. there was no one to save you Rick.

So, you finally got to use that line. I like it!

As Rahm says, "Never let a crisis go to waste."

Jim McAllister said...


I only assume after a couple of weeks we won't be hearing much female bovine sign from The Red Menace either, somebody better put Paula on suicide watch because the second debate will be even worse for the fraud.

Knowing Red for being the phony she is, she will probably reverse course if she sees any kind of a glimmer of hope for recognition. That's what artificial jerks do.

Maybe we can use her to empty the "port a pots".

Jim McAllister said...


Middy is right; you're going overboard lately. Cool it or I will have to get out my electronic scissors and snip your stuff.

Plus, as I have told you many times over the last 6 years, please consolidate your comments into one one comment instead of several comments and try to stay on the subject more

I think we would all agree that we have Stevie Nixed to death. Help me out here, buddy.

Jim McAllister said...


Well Jim explain to me why you gave Dancy Fancer the boot over calling people on this blog racist- (which is perfectly legal by the way)- or more accurately for not apologizing, yet ignoring the multi year pattern Rick has provided including just this morning calling John a stalker (which is a crime by the way).

Fancy is more lucid than Rick so I have to assume that he should know better than to make silly accusations of racism just because he doesn't agree with someone. That method is older than Methuselah.

For him to call us racists just because we don't like Obama is the last refuge of someone who is out of ammunition. I expect better from him.

It's like the old line about the solicitor giving the barrister his folder which is empty except for a note saying "No evidence; use argumentum ad hominem!"

I've left a note to Rick to cool it. If he doesn't, he'll be deleted.

proud said...

Jim, rick isn't entirely at fault here, I jump on his case when I can no longer take his S/N stuff. Oft times I check in to see what you guys are batting around fully intending to participate, then I see rick posting multiple times and almost always managing to spin his comment to include a stevie reference, I go away hoping he will back off...return, see he's not, then launch into him! I know I really should ignore it yet, for whatever reason, I haven't. Here on out I will do more to gloss over his crap, too bad there isn't a block / ignore button. I enjoy your blogs, shouldn't let something as predictable as rick bother me...
BTW, yes, still up North, busy in the process of closing things down for winter. Drained hoses, fertilized grass, tilled the garden under, pine needles from gutters etc....heading to the valley briefly, then visiting newly wedded friends in Orlando

midnightsstaff said...


midnightsstaff said...

read 'em and weep...

Rick Kepple said...

One of my Republican friends said that as long as it's legal, I should be able to make a profit from it. My family isn't speaking to me, but they don't pay me. I'm going to get seriously yelled at by kinfolks. They didn't like the female fitness models that I was trying to represent.

They sure won't like this. It's the creative mind of who I'm working for. My family will demand my resignation of my Christian name. I was thinking of Muhammad. Rick Muhammad. Sounds catchy, don'tcha think?

This will lighten the mood. This is who I'm writing about now.

Mike Slater said...

Jim, Paula had a blog the other day endorsing Prop. 121, the top-two primary. I left a comment saying I was voting no which she actually had on there. Now she's not happy with me.

She's not happy with her LD23 either because only Republicans are in the general election. I suspect Michelle Ugenti is one of those Republicans.

It kinds funny considering Paula likes to call herself a conservative Republican. That lost to Ugenti must have really screwed up her mind.

Rick Kepple said...

"I think we would all agree that we have Stevie Nixed to death. Help me out here, buddy."

And there's Jimmy's pre-committee warning.

Now we pause for Jimmy's team to huddle. It looks like it might be the Statue of Liberty play. Middy falls back, fakes, hands off to Proud, then CJ ... oh where did CJ come from? Blue blocks, CJ is running ... running ... outrunning the other team from the Ozarks! They score for Scottsdale!

I know what you're gonna do, Jimmy. You think two dimensionally.

proud said...

Rick, ninth word(third from the end) in your last post....

For the love of God man,

Rick Kepple said...

"Rick, ninth word(third from the end) in your last post...."

"Have?" Have what? Potato chips, because I can never have enough of those. I like beer too. And pretzels. In the spring I like to have fried mushrooms. Then during the summer, I like to have squash and I have some ready now.

"... always managing to spin his comment to include a stevie reference ... then launch into him ... something as predictable as rick ... , yes, still up North, busy in the process of closing things down for winter. Drained hoses, fertilized grass, tilled the garden under, pine needles from gutters etc....heading to the valley briefly, then visiting newly wedded friends in Orlando."

The Valley? Jim lives in North Scottsdale. The detective referred to the family as "in the valley."

And Proud is going to pass through "the Valley," on his way to Orlando. Why that sounds like a fun filled family reunion.

I'm nearly done with the two concrete walls connecting to the bunker. I think it might be too cold to start doing the actual brickwork. It might warm up between now and winter. But in the spring, I can start building the stick walls with a loft. For now I gotta think about how to build that fireplace. I want to use stone and that way I don't use firebrick.

The place is only big enough for me and it's away from the road. People can't be trusted. They lie about everything. Even when they say they're telling the truth, then I find out that they're lying to me, and even then they try to deny it. As detectives say, people will never confess. You just gotta form a judgment. Military teaches to take appropriate action. When in doubt, consider them a threat.