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Sunday, November 23, 2014

IF ONLY CANADA WOULD TAKE THEM OFF OUR HANDS!

I don't know how thorough the distribution is on this but in case you haven't seen it, it's pretty good.  Perhaps not if you are of the liberal persuasion in which case I would advise you to acquire a sense of humor.



 For my liberal friends, DON'T GO.  Remember you felt this way in 2000 but you survived.  It'll get better.



The unintended consequences of the recent U. S. election from    The Manitoba Herald:

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the   border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls   for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of   the Tea Party and the fact Republicans won the Senate are prompting an exodus   among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray,   and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.
Canadian border farmers   say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights   activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.


"I went out to   milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the   barn," said Southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage   borders North Dakota . “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.   He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said   I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my   screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal   aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled   them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the   fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through and   Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn't give any   milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet   liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, and   drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for   themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged   conditions," an Ontarioborder patrolman said. "I found one carload   without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice   little Napa Valley cabernet, though." When liberals are caught,   they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear   retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being   made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink   domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have   turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as   senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs.   After catching a half- dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian   immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed   senior-citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were   alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The   Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an   official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal   immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the   Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the   Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said.   "How many art-history majors does one country need?"
In an effort to   ease tensions between the United States and Canada , Vice   President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the   administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to   President Obama said, "We're going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul   & Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on postage   stamps. "The President is determined to reach out," he  said.

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Monday, November 10, 2014

LOCAL VETERANS SHARE MEMORIES FOR VETERANS DAY

Veteran's Day will be celebrated on Tuesday, November 11.  It is an opportunity for all to celebrate the courage of those who have fought to preserve the American way of life.

I have written a story for the November issue of the IMAGES magazine Anthem edition to celebrate this holiday.  In the story I have interviewed three veterans: two from World War II and one from the Korean conflict.  All three have interesting stories to tell of experiences that many of us have probably only seen on the movie screen. PLEASE CLICK HERE TO READ.  If the print in the story is too small you can enlarge it by clicking the box in the lower right corner of the page. 

I would enjoy seeing any comments you may have.  To leave a comment PLEASE CLICK HERE.  Type your reply in the box and click "Publish your comment."

Thanks,
JM 

Tuesday, November 04, 2014

WHERE WERE YOU IN '62?

                                           
My wife says we need to get out more and get the feel of modern nightlife in Phoenix and Scottsdale. I say "But, honey, I know all about nightlife. I started serious partying in 1962. Surely nothing has changed since then, has it?" She says, "Yeah, maybe. Tell me about one of your nights from ‘62."

Well, in those days I never thought about going out until 9:30 on a Friday night. By then I would be showered, shaved, splashed with Old Spice or Hai Karate, and have my hair slicked back with Groom and Clean. I would put on some pressed pegged pants, a white shirt, a pair of Weejuns (white socks optional), and I was ready for action. I would head for some of my favorite dance joints in Kansas City which were usually smoky bars with a loud band. Nothing fancy, just beer joints with great music and girls kind of like the ones you WOULDN'T bring home to meet momma.

Usually there was a cover charge of $1.00 at the door and the bands never started until 9:00. If you got there about 10:00 you had it timed just right. I always knocked down a couple of beers before I arrived since the beers at the club were 50 to 75 cents and I sure couldn’t afford that all night!

You had to be fast to meet the ladies. Closing time was usually 1:00 a.m. so you had no time to waste. If you couldn’t pick up some babe maybe you could at least get a bank deposit slip. In those days, if a girl gave you her phone number it was via a bank deposit slip which had her name and phone number printed on it. Her address was even there but it didn’t matter since you would never just "drop by" without an invitation..  There was a lot more trust then.  If you received a girl’s number it was to call her for a future date. After a few nights out, you could build a pretty good portfolio of slips.

I have a feeling things have changed since those nights in ‘62. I just read a review about a new place in Scottsdale called Taste. Apparently some rappers were recently in town and they were cruising the place "making the most of the bedside bottle service and hottie dancers." Huh? These rappers also released a song that "became the ring tone, download, and car bumpin’ song of the summer." Once again, Huh? And what are those funny looking $12 drinks everyone is having? I’ll bet they don’t even sell Schlitz beer! What kind of a place is this?

A guest list was recommended so you had to email the club to confirm you were on a list. I know of other places where you stand in line and the bouncers choose who gets to go in. It’s like you have to qualify and meet their standards. I don’t like that, our lines in ’62 were always "first come, first served."

I don’t think I like the new bar scene. It seems very superficial and I’ll bet those modern women don’t even carry deposit slips. One thing they probably do is jabber on cell phones all night. It doesn’t matter, I prefer women who use a pay phone if they can find one.

Today I would rather remember 1962 as the year Lawrence of Arabia, The Manchurian Candidate, and To Kill a Mockingbird were released. As for me, I had a sleek ’61 Chevy, and was serving in the Air Force.  Now, if only I could find some Schlitz beer!                              
                                        Me and my trusty '61 Chevy in 1962.  Gas was 24 cents a gallon.    

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