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Thursday, September 25, 2008

What's in a name? Plenty!

Johnny Cash sang a classic song to the prisoners in San Quentin many years ago. It was called "A Boy Named Sue." The final line was: "And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him
Bill or George! Anything but Sue! I still hate that name!"

I can see his point. What young man would want to be named "Sue"? After reading Susy Lambert’s column this week about crazy names given to kids, "Sue" doesn’t sound too bad.

A court in New Zealand recently made a 9 year old girl a ward of the court so her name could be legally changed. Her idiot parents had originally named her "Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii." The judge explained that "The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgment which the child's parents have shown in choosing this name. It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap."

I don’t know why it took 9 years to make the change but I agree with the judge. The parents must have been smoking something when they came up with a handle like that. Although it is their kid, I think this is an example where clearer heads needed to step in and administer some common sense.

Here are some other names thrown out by New Zealand officials: Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy, and Sex Fruit. I feel sorry for the kids, their parents obviously have mental problems.

This silliness is not restricted to New Zealand. We have plenty of crazy names in this country too. Most of them come from the entertainment crowd. Many years ago, rocker Frank Zappa named his daughter "Moon Unit" and his son "Dweezil." More recently we have rapper T. I. and his kid "Messiah Ya’majesty." U2 singer Bono named his son "Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q" and then there is cute little "Audio Science" from actress Shannyn Sossaman, whoever she is.

What are these people thinking? Whatever happened to Bill, Bob, Mary, and Jane? How about Jason, Jared, Emily, and Sarah if you want to update it a bit. I think I would even settle for Heckel and Jeckel at this point! Kids deserve better than having their parents hand out idiotic names that will hamper them through life.

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