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Wednesday, July 01, 2009

I'm running for office

Vote for me!! I promise to lower taxes, have free health care, a chicken in every pot along with pot for every chicken, and I will never go to Argentina.
When I was a kid, most of my friends and I had girlfriends that we called "steadies." Of course, we fooled around on them every opportunity we had. We usually referred to the "fool around girls" as "side stuff."

I wonder if these political clowns we have in office now use that terminology anymore. I doubt it since we were kids of the ‘50s and they are supposedly mature guys of the 21st century. Are they that different though? Take Mark Sanford, the Governor of South Carolina, for example. The man is 49 years old, is a bible reading man, has four kids, is frugal with tax money, refused federal stimulus money, and even uses both sides of Post-It notes. He has been mentioned as a possible star of the Republican Party who might actually have a chance at the presidency.

The key words in my last sentence are "has been" because that is what he now is after the discovery of his "side stuff" in Argentina. What an amateur this guy is: he actually told his wife he was going hiking in the Appalachian Mountains while, in fact, he was seeing his honey in Argentina. When he returned this week, he gave the obligatory tearful apology to everyone and basically closed the door on any chance he may have had on the national political scene.

I have a hard time understanding guys like Sanford and the disgraced ex-governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer. We’ve even had a president, Bill Clinton, who not only messed around on his wife (OK, it was Hillary so we’ll give him a little slack) but lied about it. The Republicans aren’t innocent either in the presidency as Ike supposedly was a bit of a lover with his driver Kay Summersby during WWII. I know, war is hell.

Maybe with fame comes women and it is just too hard to turn and walk away from the opportunity. However, these guys aren’t horny young kids so they should know better and that is why I am running for office. Please send all contributions directly to me at my post office box in Argentina. So far, I have $1.98.

Somewhere, former US House Rep and Clinton Arkansas buddy Wilbur Mills is having a laugh. He was seriously considered as a candidate for president in 1972 before his liaison with stripper Fanne Foxe was discovered. Coincidentally, Foxe was from Argentina. Mills died in 1992 at 83. Some say he went down with a smile on his face. There is no word on whether he was buried in the pampas.

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